Archive for Relocating Parents
A Life-or-Death Decision: Your Home by Scott Burns
Posted by: | CommentsA Life-or-Death Decision: Your Home
By Scott Burns 
BOERNE, Texas—Most of the people in the room have gray or white hair. I count 24 when I arrive. At 70, it isn’t often that I lower the average age when I enter a room. Here, I do. The women outnumber the men 2-to-1. This would have filled me with raw delight at a college mixer 50 years ago. Today it is a blunt reminder: Women live longer than men.
I’ve come to listen to Rick Hunsicker. He’s a retirement community marketing consultant, and he is here to map out our shelter choices as we get old. We’re meeting at Morningside Ministries at Menger Springs in Boerne, a canonic but fast-growing Texas town west of San Antonio. Our meeting place is a continuing-care retirement community, known as a CCRC in the trade. It’s where an older person can live independently—but without lawn-mowing or meal-preparation chores. When, and if, necessary you can move to assisted-living or nursing care—all on the same beautiful 34 acres.
I have a personal interest in this. Several years ago I urged a lovely and funny Dallas friend to move to a retirement community. A move, I thought, was the best way for her to deal with a situation that would be manageable in a retirement community—but impossible in her home of 40 years. She didn’t move. It was too difficult. Not long after, she committed suicide.
A few years before that, I had urged my stepfather to sell his duplex in Sarasota, Fla. Move to a CCRC, I suggested. But he didn’t, or couldn’t. Finally he collapsed, exhausted after weeks of daily visits to my stepmother in a nursing home after she had had a stroke. He might have lived years longer—if they had moved before his late-night fall.
Stories in this genre don’t have happy endings. Sadly, few people understand that where you live can literally be a life-or-death decision. The problem here is that we freeze up as we get older. In decades of reader letters, I’ve seen the single greatest error people make is being tied to their homes, even if it kills them.
That’s where Rick Hunsicker comes in. Over the course of 90 minutes, he walks us through the real costs of owning a house. Then he adds the invisible cost of owning a house when you no longer have a mortgage—what economists call the “imputed income” from not having to pay rent. He points out that while your house may be your biggest asset, it is also a major point of vulnerability, subject to repairs and big-ticket replacement costs.
He asks, “What happens if a few of your neighbors are foreclosed and their $300,000 house is sold for $250,000?” The question is rhetorical. “You’ve just lost $50,000,” he says. That’s one of the really bad effects of the enormous overhang of unsold and foreclosed houses across the country.
Then he walks us through a checklist of services that are part of living in a retirement community—meals you no longer have to prepare, housekeeping, transportation, fitness facilities, pool, security, basic cable, Internet access and the proximity of medical care. It’s a long list. Aging homeowners need to buy those things off an expensive a la carte menu, one at a time. In a retirement community, it’s part of the deal.
He’s serious about this side-by-side comparison. Press him, as I had done a few weeks earlier, and he’ll show you his spreadsheet for making the comparison. Put in accurate numbers for the cost of supporting your house and the cost of the other services, and a move that seems expensive can be good economics, as well as a better way to age-in-place.
Many retirees, he points out, are paralyzed. They think they will wait for the housing market to recover before they sell their homes. In the same period, he says, the cost of entering a retirement community will also rise. Why? Because building is at a standstill even though the need continues to grow. At the moment there is overcapacity, so retirement communities around the country are offering special deals and discounts.
The implication: Sell a bargain to get a bargain. It isn’t taking a loss; it’s changing to a better horse.
(Hinsdale, IL – February 1, 2011) — The National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM) announced today that Christine Smart of Designing Moves LLC, Marion, IA, has successfully completed NASMM’s “Old Like Me” Aging Sensitivity Intensive Training and has earned a Certificate of Achievement.
This program was offered in conjunction with the National Association of Senior Move Managers 2011 Annual Conference in St. Pete Beach, Florida in January. Participants completed a three-hour intensive program facilitated by Vanessa M. Dazio, OTD, OTR/L, CEAS II, NBCCH.
This innovative workshop provided participants with the unique opportunity to literally “walk in the shoes” of an older adult through a series of hands-on exercises and comprehensive sensory perception education. “There are so many common misconceptions about older adults and the aging process,” said Mary Kay Buysse, NASMM’s Executive Director. “This training program allowed select participants to experience the sensory losses associated with aging, while enhancing their awareness of disabling factors, hazards, barriers and conditions that can ultimately influence an older adult’s quality of life.”
As part of the training, participants discussed the impact of the sensory, physical and mental declines they experienced. “I have a broader understanding of what it feels like to be old today,” said Christine Smart. “The aging sensitivity training provided me with a heightened awareness of the hidden, but complex barriers that guide how I serve my senior clients, as well as helped me to identify new strategies to assist my clients in coping with age-related changes.”
Designing Moves LLC started in 2008 with a passion to help older adults with downsizing and moving.
The National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM) is a not-for-profit, professional association of organizations dedicated to assisting older adults and families with the physical and emotional demands of downsizing, relocating, or modifying their homes. As the only professional association in North America devoted to helping the rapidly increasing 55+ population with middle and later life transition issues, NASMM members are committed to maximizing the dignity and autonomy of all older adults. NASMM is internationally recognized for its innovative programs, leadership and expertise on issues related to senior move management, transition and relocation issues affecting older adults. For more information, visit www.nasmm.org.
Senior Move Managers Help with Impossible
Posted by: | CommentsDecember 30, 2010, 10:00 am
When Moving Seems Impossible
By PATRICK EGANPatricia Wendler had been trying to sell her Southport, N.C., home for four years. Just before Thanksgiving, she finally got an offer, with one major contingency: Mrs. Wendler, 80, had less than three weeks to move, or no deal.
She and her husband, who died in 2008, had retired to Southport 16 years ago from New Hartford, N.Y. In that time, the Wendlers had accumulated furniture that wouldn’t fit in her new apartment, tools she wouldn’t need and years upon years of paperwork. “I kind of stored everything,” she said.
Her daughter-in-law, June Wendler, described the task of relocation as a “tornado.” She called Jane Roberts, a senior move manager in Wilmington, N.C., for help.
Initially, Patricia Wendler was not thrilled.
“I was a little resentful,” she said. “Why would I need someone like that? I’m not used to having people do things for me.”
The Wendlers are among more than 50,000 families to hire a certified senior move manager this year, up from 30,000 just two years ago, according to the National Association of Senior Move Managers. These services don’t come cheap: Most move managers charge $25 to $60 per hour. A top-to-bottom move can require several days of planning, packing and unpacking, running $1,500 to $4,000 or more — not including the cost of the actual movers.
Despite the expense, many families are finding senior move managers indispensable, and not just because they handle the logistics. Tensions can spill over when an elderly parent must relocate. Hundreds of necessary decisions and actions can swallow time the family may not have; the inevitable negotiations and concessions can trouble even the best parent-child relationships.
Surveys show that the elderly overwhelmingly wish to remain in their long-term homes, and to many of them moving represents a loss of control. “These moves usually are precipitated by something that’s happened — a health crisis, a death of a spouse, a loss of driving ability,” said Margit Novack, a senior move manager in Philadelphia.
A good move manager helps to clear a path to the new home while ensuring that the senior is always in control, regardless of who made the first call. “These people don’t want anyone telling them what to do. You have to walk a very fine line,” said Ms. Roberts.
“We become their surrogate friend or surrogate daughter,” added Judy Rough, a senior move manager in Phoenix.
By taking the adult children out of the driver’s seat, a manager can help circumvent family hostilities. “It really lets the adult child be their companion in the journey. The adult child isn’t the bad cop,” said Mary Kay Buysse, executive director of N.A.S.M.M. “It really lets the family be the family.”
In Southport last month, Ms. Roberts helped Mrs. Wendler sort through what to keep and what to donate to charity. She packed everything, hired the movers and then unpacked in the new apartment. She even photographed the interior of Mrs. Wendler’s former home so as to reproduce the layout as closely as possible, making sure that if the toothbrush sat on the right side of the sink, that’s exactly where Mrs. Wendler would find it in the new apartment.
Ms. Roberts’s efforts won over Mrs. Wendler. “She did things I never would’ve thought of,” said Mrs. Wendler. “She was just perfect.”
Printed in The New York Times Dec. 30, 2010
Hidden Treasure for Independent Living
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I had the opportunity today to visit Peony Park Apartments in Cedar Rapids. This is an independent living apartment that rarely has openings due to residents staying long term. It’s tucked unexpectedly on the Northwest side of town with a park like setting behind the building and prairie grass preserve being established to one side of the property. Looking out the back you would think you were miles from town.
There are a few steps, but it is independent living. Each unit has it’s own top of the line stack washer and dryer, apartment sized stove, refrigerator and dishwasher. The unit I visited is a 2 bedroom, 900 sq. ft on the lower level, which means it has patio doors that open to the lush back yard with room for patio furniture. Large bedrooms, bath and a half, large living room and dining area. I can not say enough about how clean the apartment and common areas are – pristine! The maintenance person has been with Peony Park for 10 years and very reliable. This unit was freshly cleaned and painted before being put on the market for renting again.
I was extremely impressed with the clean lobby where the residents have their own mail boxes and cupboards for packages that might arrive. How clever is that! Garage rental is required to keep parking lot free for those that have visitors. Who doesn’t like having their car in the garage? Price for the 2 bedroom unit with garage is $750/month.
This is an excellent choice for those who are downsizing but don’t want to invest in a condo or move to a retirement center. Potential renters can have control over their independence but freedom from yard work and home maintenance.
Peony Park Apartments
4600 Johnson Ave. NW
Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52405
319-396-4916
A Startling Fact about Moving: Relocation Stress
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You’ve just moved mom into a retirement neighborhood and she is suddenly forgetful, depressed, and can’t sleep. You thought this was the best solution for her care and now things appear worse, what is going on?If this scenario sounds familiar to you be assured, you are not alone! I recently attended a seminar by Gero Soultions at the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM) Convention that talked about Relocation Stress and Transfer Trauma. Relocation Stress Syndrome (RSS) and Transfer Trauma were approved as a diagnosis in the early 1990’s. It refers to a set of symptoms that result from a transfer from one environment to another. The interesting aspect of Relocation Stress Syndrome and Transfer Trauma is that many retirement communities are unaware of it. As a member of NASMM, I feel it is part of my responsibility to educate people on the subject.
The Symptoms
The following is an excerpt from “Relocation Stress Syndrome in Older Adults” by Tracy Greene Mintz, MA, MSW, ACSW from Social Work Today Vol. 5 No. 6 P. 38 The full article can be found at: http://www.snapforseniors.com/portals/0/pdfs/relocationstress.pdf
“Symptoms of RSS are the same in all age groups. They can include exhaustion, sleep disturbance, anxiety, financial strain, grief and loss, depression, and disorientation. In older people, these symptoms can quickly become exacerbated by dementia, mild cognitive impairment, poor physical health, frailty, lack of support system, and sensory impairment. Do clients understand why they were relocated? Did they participate in the decision? Can they see and hear sufficiently in their new accommodations to learn their way around a new building or neighborhood? Do they have anyone to help them pack or move? Will they remember that this is no longer their home? Can they keep their doctor? Friends? Pet?
For social workers, RSS symptoms meet the diagnostic criteria for adjustment disorder (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV). Moving is an adjustment that some people make easier than others. Mood and mental changes that can occur include depression, anger, suicidal ideation, confusion, anxiety, and paranoia. Some may exhibit denial by over idealizing the move (Isn’t this place wonderful? Everything is just perfect!). Behaviors we are likely to see in older people are somatic complaints, wandering, aggression, isolation, excessive demands for medical and nonmedical attention, and substance use, abuse, or misuse. Physical signs may include pain, agitation, aggression, incontinence, appetite or weight changes, sleep disturbance, and the most dreaded yet too common—falls. Adjustment disorder can take up to three months to manifest. Those can be three difficult and heart-breaking months for residents, family, and staff. In the Los Angeles facility survey previously mentioned, one third of new residents had an acute hospitalization within 30 days of moving into the residential care facility. At the affiliated nursing home, 11% of new residents passed away within 30 days. If the disorder does not resolve after six months, it is no longer about adjustment, and the relocation may have triggered another chronic illness.”
Designing Moves in the News
Posted by: | CommentsThe following was in the Retirement Living guide in the April 25, 2010 Cedar Rapids Gazette.
Getting back to basics
Downsizing to smaller quarters can be a sentimental journey
by Mary Christensen
Many retirees decide to downsize their living quarters – moving to a smaller apartment, a condo, or an assisted living facility. Less space usually means a reducing material possessions. Seniors should be prepared for a process that can be “emotional, physical and stressful, ” says Christine Smart, owner of Designing Moves in Marion and a trained member of the National Association of Senior Move Managers.
“It’s like when somebody dies,” explains Nani Reed, 90, who left most of her possessions to other family members when she moved from her Cedar Rapids home to the first of three care facilities. “You mourn,” she says, “but you realize ‘I can’t change it; I can’t make it different’. Just throw away anything you aren’t going to use,” she advises, “and don’t wait until the last minute.”
There’s also less stress if seniors can actively make a choice, says Smart. “People need to feel like they’re in control of things.”
That was an issue for Leone Novy, 92, who left her Solon area home for a care facility two years ago, later moving to Honey Creek Cottage in Swisher where she lives with Reed and six other residents in a home-like setting.
“I didn’t have time to decide” what to keep, Novy says, adding that she didn’t feel ready to leave her home when her family made the decision to move her to a care facility. What felt like a surprise move to her was very stressful.
Rita Banke, 78, of Cedar Rapids made her own choices, leading to a happy change. After drug dealers moved into her neighborhood and her husband died, she realized she was physically, mentally and financially drained, and that it wasn’t good for her to stay in the house where she’d lived for 50 years. When she announced her conclusion to her children, “My sons told me they had been hoping I would make that decision.”
“I’m so appreciative of what I’ve got now,” Banke says of her apartment at Garnett Place in Cedar Rapids, noting that the atrium outside her door, the handy garden for walking her small dog, good food and friendly staff all make it easier to let go of things that wouldn’t fit there.
Jared Ekholm, 84, who downsized several times before moving to Honey Creek Cottage to be near his son in Shueyville, says it was difficult because he couldn’t make up his mind about what things to get rid of. He brought some favorite furnishings with him, but still keeps many pieces in a storage unit, which he can visit if he wishes.
For most seniors, the question of what to keep is answered with sentimental memories. Ekholm, whose wife has Alzheimer’s and lives in a different care facility, treasures an old bell his wife used when she taught in a small country school and journals he kept of their travels around the country and abroad.
For Reed, there’s a Christmas cactus, she’s had for nearly 50 years; but she still wishes she could find the first Valentine she received from her grandchild.
The Last Word on Downsizing
Posted by: | CommentsThe seminar at House of Hope in Cedar Rapids on Downsizing was a fantastic event. There was a great group there and wonderful exchange of information.
We covered Solomon’s view points in the Book of Ecclesiastes to get the right perspective on our possessions. Solomon was the richest king on earth and there has been none like him. As he reviewed his life, after obtaining all that he set his eyes on, he declared it was all “Vanity of vanities! All vanity” Possessions don’t give us true satisfaction. And you can’t take your “stuff” with you!
The need for being in control and having our story heard is an important part of downsizing. We can leave a legacy instead of stuff, when we have a story to tell and some who is willing to listen.
We talked about beginning the process of downsizing by taking pictures of your home as it is, attacking it room by room, identifying the stories of family heirlooms, as well as finding charities you want to support.
The next point of discussion was furniture to consider keeping and how to re-purpose items for smaller homes. We also touched on aging in place and what to consider if you are remodeling and you really want to live in your home as long as possible.
A move to a retirement home is the 3rd most stressful event for an older adult. The recovery process from relocation stress or transfer trauma can take up to 90 days after the move.
The benefits of downsizing earlier are a quick recovery process, a feeling of resilience, re-creation, and a possible new self. Not to mention a better understanding of what is most important in your life.
#1 Tip for Moving Aging Parents
Posted by: | Comments#1 Tip for Moving Aging Parents
The time as come to discuss your concerns about safety and health with your aging parents. They have happily lived in their home of 40 plus years. You have a plan and are determined to take action.
Let me share with you some information from our National Association of Senior Move Manager (NASMM) Conference.
Loss of Control
Most likely your parents will not want to move and when you begin to badger them with facts and figures of why they need to move they will stop listening to you. One important fact to consider is the older adult hates the loss of control they are seeing in their life at this moment. They will do all that they can to maintain control of what they have left – their home. I urge you to ask questions and listen carefully to get an understanding of how they might feel about the situation rather than making requests that will fall on deaf ears. In some situations the best choice is to stay in the home with some modifications. There are amazing options for aging in place. On the other hand the best choice might be moving to the retirement community in the neighborhood. Communities offer a wide range of personalized care and services. Allow your parents to consider the options and choices available.
Importance of a Story
Older adults want to feel that they have a legacy to leave behind, it’s very important to listen to their stories and allow them the privilege of telling it again. Whether there is a move in the future or a need for modification of the home, downsizing of the possessions is inevitable. It is easy for the older adult to part with items if they feel their story has been told.
#1 Tip
The #1 tip for helping a parent through the transition of a move is to ask for qualified help. A Senior Move Manager who is a member of NASMM will guide you through the process as you help as much or as little as you want. As a member of NASMM the Senior Move Manager will have insurance, recommendations, and the tools to help your family with an effortless move for Mom and Dad. One of the fascinating aspects of the NASMM Conference is meeting Senior Move Mangers from all over the United States and Canada. This network of people eases out of state transitions for families by giving peace of mind that help on both ends of the move will be of the same qualifications.
Whether you are moving your parents out of state, around the corner, or helping them to age in place find a member of NASMM to help you sort through the options and reduce YOUR stress.
